when Oliver, my foster son, 1st showed up at my door


part 2 of 4
Oliver showed up at my door. 
i will never forget that moment and there are no words to even describe what my heart felt when i saw him for the first time. as he was dropped off, i was told Oliver was exposed in-utero to a cocktail of drugs, with meth being the majority. 
he had been abandoned by his mom and, even though he was just a tiny infant, he had already been through several foster homes who refused to keep him because he was too difficult
when Oliver came to me, he was very low functioning.
he struggled to eat and sleep, he couldn’t lift his head, and any kind of eye contact was too overwhelming and over-stimulating, which would lead to withdrawing. it felt like he was either crying or disassociating. 
because of the work i did and the multidisciplinary team i was learning from, i knew that swaddling played an important role in being able to comfort, console, and soothe little ones. 
so, i went to the store and bought every kind of swaddle on the shelves.
to give a little context, every drug has a specific effect on little ones. it’s even more complicated when there is a cocktail of drug exposure in-utero. 
for example, meth causes little ones to have an extremely rigid muscle tone and their muscles actually feel like rocks. because of Oliver’s exposure in-utero, he could not settle his limbs and he would kick his legs constantly to try to alleviate the discomfort.
even touch and massage was too much stimulation for Oliver. so, i wanted the swaddle to do what i physically couldn’t do… comfort him. 
none of them worked.
the material would cause Oliver to overheat, he always got his arms out, and they didn’t provide the proper pressure on his body to allow him to be able to soothe and regulate. 
so, i set out to make my own...
i am not a seamstress by any means,  but i went out and bought an actual sewing machine and attempted to bring what was in my head into physical form. 
now, let me tell you, it was rough looking.  but when i wrapped Oliver in what i had created, his response was something i never imagined possible. 
both of our lives changed that day. 
thank you for taking the time to read this and just for being here.