MotherHEARD: Remembering the pain and the Joy. Do you relate to this?⁠

2020-09-28

Written By: Charity Morse

 

"I asked my husband to take this photo...


I asked for that, as I sat nursing my son, because I just finished sobbing. ⁠
I asked for my husband to take this photo because I wanted to remember the pain I was feeling as well as the joy. ⁠

I was crying because postpartum is a hard thing to navigate. ⁠
I was crying because sometimes Ezra needs white noise (especially the vacuum) to fall asleep, even if I’m holding him, and that night it made me feel like he didn’t love me and that he was comforted by a vacuum more than me. ⁠
I was crying because I felt like my stomach was so useless now that it didn’t house my baby. ⁠
I was crying because I missed carrying him with me always, even though I wanted pregnancy over in the end. ⁠
I was crying because I thought “I don’t fit in my body anymore”⁠
I was crying because though I firmly believe in not being embarrassed of stretch marks, the reality hit me that I will never look the same. ⁠
I was crying because everything is different now. ⁠
I was also crying because my husband is so kind and so uplifting and always makes me feel better. ⁠
He told me I was a good mom. ⁠

He reminded me that Ezra does in fact love me. ⁠
He told me how beautiful I am to him, and how in awe his is of my strength and persistence throughout pregnancy and birth. ⁠

He told me he loved me. ⁠
I asked him to take this picture because I wanted to remember that I grew my son in that belly. ⁠
I continue to feed and nourish him with my body. ⁠
I carried him, and now I get to carry these B E A U T I F U L reminders of the magic that I am."⁠

We honor you @charitymorse_⁠